Candles with better social skills than you.
Anti-candle.
Consider not speaking so much. — 9oz soy candle
Consider not speaking so much. — 9oz soy candle
$27.99
When I'm bored I like to steal bacon from Wawa. — 9oz soy candle
When I'm bored I like to steal bacon from Wawa. — 9oz soy candle
$27.99
You're not mysterious, you're just creepy. — 9oz soy candle
You're not mysterious, you're just creepy. — 9oz soy candle
$27.99
This candle starts political debates at Thanksgiving. — 9oz soy candle
This candle starts political debates at Thanksgiving. — 9oz soy candle
$27.99
Let's get something straight.
We make brutally honest objects for people who are tired of fake positivity. If your room is going to smell like something, it might as well have personality. Unlike you.
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”
— Albert Einstein
A scientific ranking of the worst smells in your home.
Science is important. Not the kind that cures diseases, the kind that tells you why your apartment smells like emotional decay. Today, we’re ranking the worst smells commonly found in...
They're blogs. Read them.
Unapologetically honest.
People seem to have a problem speaking their mind. We don't. We cherish bold, outlandish comments. Let us tell a story for you.
Frequently asked questions.
Can I eat the candle?
You already know the answer. If you even have to ask, this brand was built for you. But still, no. Please don’t. We know they smell good, it's not worth it.
Do you take custom phrase requests?
Absolutely, but only if the submission is funny. If your idea is boring, we reserve the right to pretend we never saw it. If we end up liking your idea, you will receive full credit on the product page.
Do the candles actually smell good?
Yes. Shockingly good, considering their attitude problem. They’re made with real fragrances, clean ingredients, and zero shame. If they smell bad, that’s on your room, not the candle.
What if I don't have a sense of humor?
That’s okay. The candle will make up for it. Worst case, you’ll think the jokes are inspirational quotes and feel mysterious for once.
What's your return policy?
If you want to return anything, feel free. We will fully refund you, no questions asked within 30 days of your order. If your item arrives damaged, we’ll fix it. If your ego arrives damaged from the label, that’s between you and your therapist.